im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize