He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So apparently I’m into choking now
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