I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
