it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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