Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
