I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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