The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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