The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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