You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
