So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
