What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
