At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Two words: blizzard sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
