I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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