HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Barsexuality is the new black.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Of course I have a pirate flag
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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