I'm lost and stupid without you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
