i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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