i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im just a social blackout drinker.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
