You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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