she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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