Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
