I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
