You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize