think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
