Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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