So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
