She's JV to your varsity
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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