I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
