He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
