i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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