Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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