she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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