its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize