her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
