sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
