I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
