I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You made out with two different species that night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
