Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
