The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
