Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
