also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
