she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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