the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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