Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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