He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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