I've blown a few things in my day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
