Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
