We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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