a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
