The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize