this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
