I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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