You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize