whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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