I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
