yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
