Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
