Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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