I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
