Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize