obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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