i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
