$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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