remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
