I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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